Here is a recount made last year to a friend about things as they were unfolding for me then. Remembering where I was gives me clarity on how far I have come! “I made it past 3 of the 4 challenging events – Mike’s B-Day, my B-Day and the fact that my B-Day was such a milestone […]
grief
Get Busy Livin’
“Life presses upon us, forever challenging us with new forms of vitality that threaten the status quo which feels so good with its stability and peace. Religions seem to hate Pan and his vitality. Often, they prefer the death principle. Let things be as they always have been. No intrusions of vitality, please. I think […]
Resistance
Lots of pain and lots of tears and lots of strategies employed to get through a rough patch. I am so weary of revisiting these dark places. But by claiming and naming them, by the simple passage of time, and with help from those who care about me – I am slowly coming back […]
Square 1
I am hoping this day finds you well and well loved in your lovely abode. I wrote this about one year ago. Seems appropriate to revisit it for I am feeling like I am here again – at square 1 – today. February 10, 2013 I am approaching the beginning of week 3 of experiment Lani. […]
Attachment
“By extending our ordinary feelings of love and concern beyond their usual biased limits, love is freed from the restrictions of attachment.” ~ HHDL Finding attachment to be the source of many of my tears, I am intrigued by this quote. Grieving loss or Fear of losing something to which I am attached appears suddenly […]
Proximity Always Wins!
Our attention naturally goes to what is nearest. I see, smell and touch the matter at hand. My vision is acclimatized by my experiences so I essentially choose what I see. But the Imperceptibles, those higher vibrational energies like emotion and the eternal qualities of Love, Grace, Joy, Harmony, Illumination, Creativity… you get the picture… […]
Good Work and Wonder
Woke up concerned with everyday life. The unperturbed flow of living. The feed the dog, pour milk on the cereal, kiss goodbye, go to work life. I love this life. I miss this life. I have gotten too used to living lopsided. Shoved side to side by wide capriciously swaying emotions, I am ready to […]
Happy Holidays?
The holidays are a time that gets lots of traffic at the Feeling Depot. When you are grieving it feels like there is a train that leaves every hour. I am working very hard to not leave the station and just let the trains come and go as they must. Keeping grounded this way moves […]
Dissolving the Ego
Dissolving the Ego is like selling the first car you ever owned. You are attached to it. You have depended on it to take you places since… forever It is how you move around, get attention, how you are able to carry all that stuff around with you wherever you go. How could you ever […]
Alchemy of Grief
Painful memories come at the strangest times. The memories aren’t painful, they are warm and joy filled. The pain comes when memory is wed to the current moment. Shopping for groceries I pass by the in store Starbucks. Michael always stopped at the retail display to hunt for dishwasher safe travel mugs. Not for himself, […]
Allowing the Now
Was it courageous for Michael to choose not to seek treatment? Was it courageous for me to be by his side and help him as his illness ran the table? Not knowing if we had 6 weeks or 6 months – it was a time of uber conscious living in the Now.After making his choice, […]
Pass the bread please
Self-Love is the bread of life. Bread, Original Watercolor by Linda Dallas http://www.appetite4art.com/linda_dallas_notecard_103.htm I am getting used to taking care of myself again. I did it before I was married. A burst of tears erupts as missing Michael pushes forward. He had my back. Who has my back now asks my tears? I must have my […]
