Dissolving the Ego is like selling the first car you ever owned. You are attached to it. You have depended on it to take you places since… forever It is how you move around, get attention, how you are able to carry all that stuff around with you wherever you go. How could you ever manage without it?
Like a car, we need an Ego – right? Right, but how often do we let the car drive us? And say you did want to dissolve the only mode of being you have ever known? How does one even approach such a thing?
I observed my ego causing trouble recently. The commotion began when my mind was left free to toddle and sway. Thoughts slid unconsciously following one another down hill and leaping into the ocean of unformed possibility. This is where things got stirred up! It was during a form of meditation called Visioning that I clearly recognized my “not so good feelings” are NOT me. They are the result of my ego instinctively directing traffic right off a cliff.
During this visioning short waves of sorrow began to surface. Silent and sporadic tears made this a moist meditation. I became super aware of the slow rolling tear as it flattened itself on my cheek. Then I felt itself rounding again past the chin area where it dripped off to points unknown. This unsettled feeling showed up in the form of sorrow & tears, but it could have just as easily been a quick and sharp painful feeling of despair or a familiar wisp of old and smelly “you are not good enough” thought.
Part of visioning is asking questions and mindfully listening to the answers. Last night, when I asked to let go of something that no longer served me. “EGO” shot into the middle of my awareness. And in that moment of making a conscious choice to let go of ego the waterworks halted. Simultaneously! It felt like my server had just cleared my plate of yucky vegetables from the table and asked, “Who’s ready for dessert?” I literally “felt” the sorrow dissolve into nothingness. And then this realization melted into glee.
I didn’t expect this result. I had no expectations at all. It caught me by surprise and pleased me so much.This is the great thing about observing a practice. Sometimes it leads you down favorable roads you never new existed!
So Mr. Ego, look out. If I can do it once, I can do it again. Practice makes perfect. Don’t make me turn this car around!!!
What is your practice?
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A Simple Primer for Visioning
During your regular mediation practice, make a point to have a journal and a pencil near by. Ask these four questions, one at a time. Spend a few minutes listening, without reaching or straining, for any answers that may bloom within your awareness. Take a moment to write down anything significant or insignificant. Do this for each question. You can then conclude by giving thanks if you like.
What is the highest vision for my life?
What must I become in consciousness for this vision to fulfill itself?
What must I release to be open for this vision to emerge?
Is there anything else I am to embrace in this moment?