Here is a recount made last year to a friend about things as they were unfolding for me then. Remembering where I was gives me clarity on how far I have come!
“I made it past 3 of the 4 challenging events – Mike’s B-Day, my B-Day and the fact that my B-Day was such a milestone – I am 50 years old on Aug 3.
The retreat, which my sister insisted I attend with her, was a great place to be during this highly charged time. A friend of mine from HS drove down from SF and took me to Pebble Beach for a birthday dinner celebration. We drove through Carmel first where he insisted on getting me a birthday gift ( some sandals). And then we stopped by the place where he had deposited his fathers ashes years earlier. On the last night of the retreat a dance was held. There I danced like I haven’t danced in years. It was unforgettable…the way I turned 50! And so unexpected as well.
BTW – retreat was at Asilomar Lodge in Pacific Grove CA. There lots of nice people gathered to do workshops and have a great time otherwise. Not stuffy ideologues, but wide open folks wishing everyone find their own path their own way.
So had a great time and am now preparing for final summer challenge in Lani’s Grief Olympics – taking Mike’s ashes to beach exactly 1 year after his death. I will have loads of family support and we will make it happen.
I had an urn made by a potter friend of mine. Mike loved the color yellow. I put his ashes in it this evening. It is all so surreal…One minute I am up and next I am curled up in a weeping ball. Just keepin’ it together these days is all I can manage. I am so grateful for every one’s giving-ness of their time and their attention.”
Do you have a way to gage your here & now wonderfulness?
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