No! I don’t want to! No! I will not! These are the things I say to myself when I am feeling completely obstinate. It is a feeling of standing still and strongly opposing that which is said to be important or otherwise necessary. Well I do not care what they say, I am not going […]
Feelings
Heartbreak
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ~Mark Twain It is real – the root of the thing. But is made distant by the everything else. I am creative and powerful Yet I cannot shun the weight of it It is cornered – me and it together Win […]
2013 Grief Olympics
Here is a recount made last year to a friend about things as they were unfolding for me then. Remembering where I was gives me clarity on how far I have come! “I made it past 3 of the 4 challenging events – Mike’s B-Day, my B-Day and the fact that my B-Day was such a milestone […]
A Walk in the Park
“I am great sun but you do not see me. I am your husband but you turn away. I am the captive but you do not free me. I am the captain but you do not obey. I am the truth but you do not believe me. I am that city where you will not […]
Joy Springs Up in Unexpected Places
Do you know the sound the cartoon dog makes when he shoots his head straight up and suddenly becomes aware of something? And his warm, sweet and goofy awareness changes everything and comically moves the story forward? Well – I am making that sound – dumb lovable feisty me. I am suddenly aware that I […]
Enlightment at Gunpoint
Looking back, my Religious/Spiritual timeline begins with casual Sunday School for one summer followed by communion and a photo of me in a dress in front of a huge pink azalea. NO inner connections were made. Everything was external and ceremonial. During my teen years I was hit by a car and felt my soul […]
Tell Me Everything will be OK
A deer chose my house this week. He found a soft pile of leaves on the protected side of the yard, a refuge in the tightly bound space between two fences and my house. There was a complete break. I saw the bone to his back left hoof jutting out from his leg. The pain […]
Proximity Always Wins!
Our attention naturally goes to what is nearest. I see, smell and touch the matter at hand. My vision is acclimatized by my experiences so I essentially choose what I see. But the Imperceptibles, those higher vibrational energies like emotion and the eternal qualities of Love, Grace, Joy, Harmony, Illumination, Creativity… you get the picture… […]
Happy Holidays?
The holidays are a time that gets lots of traffic at the Feeling Depot. When you are grieving it feels like there is a train that leaves every hour. I am working very hard to not leave the station and just let the trains come and go as they must. Keeping grounded this way moves […]
Dissolving the Ego
Dissolving the Ego is like selling the first car you ever owned. You are attached to it. You have depended on it to take you places since… forever It is how you move around, get attention, how you are able to carry all that stuff around with you wherever you go. How could you ever […]
Alchemy of Grief
Painful memories come at the strangest times. The memories aren’t painful, they are warm and joy filled. The pain comes when memory is wed to the current moment. Shopping for groceries I pass by the in store Starbucks. Michael always stopped at the retail display to hunt for dishwasher safe travel mugs. Not for himself, […]
Allowing the Now
Was it courageous for Michael to choose not to seek treatment? Was it courageous for me to be by his side and help him as his illness ran the table? Not knowing if we had 6 weeks or 6 months – it was a time of uber conscious living in the Now.After making his choice, […]
