Looking back, my Religious/Spiritual timeline begins with casual Sunday School for one summer followed by communion and a photo of me in a dress in front of a huge pink azalea. NO inner connections were made. Everything was external and ceremonial.
During my teen years I was hit by a car and felt my soul move away from my body – no tunnel, no bright light but clearly understood at that moment that there are distinct differences between the two. Still no internal connections were felt. It was just another fact of life.
I married somewhat late in life. My husband, a trained Physicist turned computer programmer, was decidedly scientific and I saw myself in complete opposition to his religious skepticism. Still neither he nor I took stands one way or the other. I just led a life of knowing all of life’s challenges were somehow to be overcome (dare I say gifts). And in so overcoming growth was inevitable. We supported eachother and created a life together of ease and comfort. There was no need to look further than my own doorstep or my own nose.
Then he died. This is what can be termed “enlightenment at gunpoint.” Then I wanted to know more. Then I needed to inspect myself and this life to help me make best choices and become adept at living differently than before. For the very first time in my life feelings were cascading from me and I needed to know how to deal with them.
So here I am today reading everything I can and spending more and more time introspectively coming to know “knowing” and what that means. In a way I see my evolution as familiar territory. I am again, like during my young adulthood, relying on my wits. And those “winds” that propel me forward today are most likely the same that sped me along my path then. I just experience them now as born of intuition for I am now more awake and living more deliberately.