Lots of pain and lots of tears and lots of strategies employed to get through a rough patch. I am so weary of revisiting these dark places. But by claiming and naming them, by the simple passage of time, and with help from those who care about me – I am slowly coming back […]
conscious living
Collaborating with Doubt
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves…” ~ Rilke In agreeing to Collaborate with what is, rather than combat it, I arrive at a warm and welcoming threshold. Even if ‘what is’ is uncomfortable. Not sure why, but I have been working against myself. I confoundedly keep […]
Attachment
“By extending our ordinary feelings of love and concern beyond their usual biased limits, love is freed from the restrictions of attachment.” ~ HHDL Finding attachment to be the source of many of my tears, I am intrigued by this quote. Grieving loss or Fear of losing something to which I am attached appears suddenly […]
Alligators or Recognizing Consciousness
Being awake has it’s own kind of feeling. It is still and at the same time alive with great power and energy, kind of like an alligator. There is a heightened awareness, your senses are acute but less necessary as you see more clearly past the obvious to the unseen nature of things. In this […]
Clarity 2.0
Clarity is a fleeting pain in the ass. The prevailing winds change, clarity gently brushes against your cheek, then drifts on. So you better be ready for it or it may just pass you by like it never happened. What do I believe? Getting clear here will help me move to the next level in […]
Tell Me Everything will be OK
A deer chose my house this week. He found a soft pile of leaves on the protected side of the yard, a refuge in the tightly bound space between two fences and my house. There was a complete break. I saw the bone to his back left hoof jutting out from his leg. The pain […]
Good Work and Wonder
Woke up concerned with everyday life. The unperturbed flow of living. The feed the dog, pour milk on the cereal, kiss goodbye, go to work life. I love this life. I miss this life. I have gotten too used to living lopsided. Shoved side to side by wide capriciously swaying emotions, I am ready to […]
Happy Holidays?
The holidays are a time that gets lots of traffic at the Feeling Depot. When you are grieving it feels like there is a train that leaves every hour. I am working very hard to not leave the station and just let the trains come and go as they must. Keeping grounded this way moves […]
Dissolving the Ego
Dissolving the Ego is like selling the first car you ever owned. You are attached to it. You have depended on it to take you places since… forever It is how you move around, get attention, how you are able to carry all that stuff around with you wherever you go. How could you ever […]
Alchemy of Grief
Painful memories come at the strangest times. The memories aren’t painful, they are warm and joy filled. The pain comes when memory is wed to the current moment. Shopping for groceries I pass by the in store Starbucks. Michael always stopped at the retail display to hunt for dishwasher safe travel mugs. Not for himself, […]
Allowing the Now
Was it courageous for Michael to choose not to seek treatment? Was it courageous for me to be by his side and help him as his illness ran the table? Not knowing if we had 6 weeks or 6 months – it was a time of uber conscious living in the Now.After making his choice, […]
Pass the bread please
Self-Love is the bread of life. Bread, Original Watercolor by Linda Dallas http://www.appetite4art.com/linda_dallas_notecard_103.htm I am getting used to taking care of myself again. I did it before I was married. A burst of tears erupts as missing Michael pushes forward. He had my back. Who has my back now asks my tears? I must have my […]
