2013: ADROIT. My first word. I chose it because six months earlier my husband had died. I was still plenty raw and broken, but had begun to wake from the numbing inertia of the newly bereaved. Up until then, there was like this protective bubble surrounding me, keeping me from being consciously aware of the deep and profound waves of pain surging through my being. I recall feeling all the pain, but I wasn’t very present with it – THANK GOD!!!!
I wanted so much to become proficient in the many things I used to hand off to my husband. My word gave me focus and helped me inch my way forward into a daily life I knew nothing about.
2014:ALLOWING. In 2014 I had begun to write and to paint. And I had begun to be very present with the pain. Looking at it’s shape, it’s many colors, and it’s heft helped me become a witness (a survival tactic perhaps) which seemed naturally healing, organic, and well timed. As a witness, I noticed the things I refused hung out longer and hurt more than the things I accepted and allowed. So with the help of my word, I found myself allowing “the all” of things to come and go more freely. This was incredibly healing. And I was, I must add, helped greatly by my dearest friends inviting me to join them in the UK. I was not interested in going at first. I did not feel like traveling. It was my word that helped me say “YES.” Allowing allowed to me to transform.
2015: BROADCAST. By 2015, I was learning so much and I wanted these experiences to be useful, I wanted to serve. This was the year I passionately worked to fling my words and pictures out into the world. I held a powerful vision that these seedlings might miraculously one day take root.
2016: CREATE I had no choice. I was going to have to move. This was not an external fact of life, but a deep welling up from inside. Moving not just from one home to another, but moving into a life completely beyond any I had known before. My word helped me to begin deliberately creating. And I can report this last year has flown by with a new car, a new home, new convictions, new friends, and new joys all blasting into existence.
And this year… I am ready for release.
I am ready to let go of the heaviness that has anchored me in place. I am ready to let go of being an authority on grief. I am expecting to see again with the eyes of a child and to use beginner’s mind to experience ecstatic joys, to witness blossoming everywhere, and to release attachment to all. I look forward to adventure, experimentation, and taking a risk or two. Do you think some of my seeds are germinating?
Do you have a word for this new year?
Tag! You’re it!