I just got back from a delightful trip to Baltimore. And after four straight days of loving, embracing and renewing connections with family and friends I dearly cherish and being equally embraced and loved by them – I am having a tough time being at home again.
A vast difference has been shown to me and it is causing this feeling of über darkness. I feel weakened and wounded and completely undone… again!
These folks from my hood know me so well, have my best interest at heart and accept me just as I am. Among them I feel myself and sooooo connected again. Visiting with them reminds me how much I miss having *special & deep* connections in my daily life.
This morning when I awoke, this evening when I left work and right now — relentless and giant waves of tears are showing up. And even though I know I am graciously supported at all times and in all ways, I am unable to stop them. It is during times like these I am reminded that “being conscious” does not mean everything will always be rosy.
Showering and getting ready for work this morning I made a choice – I had to – so I could function. I chose to know I am completely supported and I am always graciously provided with everything I need. By shifting my consciousness to this awareness I was able to get on with my day.
Now at home – alone – I can let these tears fly accepting them and praying the pain that accompanies them will be moved along like loitering kids off a dimly lit street corner. “Go home you trouble makers!” Find a space that brings you comfort and rest there a while.
If I can only find what false beliefs are back of these tears then I can burn them off and with them a harmful piece of me. Then I can rest. Then I can emerge better than before.
So my plan is to allow this latest grief tsunami to explode and dissipate while I simultaneously practice knowing “all is well.” And I really need to practice cuz I am in the depths here tonite. This is a very heavy lift right now. Writing about it and doing it are two entirely different matters…here I go!
What do you do when things get really rough?
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